take all of your insecurites and put them in me
there’s so much bottled up inside me right now, it’s insane. this all won’t make sense so there’s no point in reading this. the red wings are on right now, and i’m not even watching them? something is wrong with me. i’ve watched one, maybe two games out of the past 10 probably. i can’t stand watching hockey anymore because all i want to do is play, and i fucking can’t. that’s like, taking everything out of my hands. going to the rink and skating every day made everything alright. it literally took every little thing on my shoulders. i can’t even do that anymore. i can’t even go for a run because i’m dumb as fuck and my foot is shattered. the doctors said i might be able to start physical therapy for it though in a month. that’s forever away though. i need to make this as long as possible because no one ever takes the time to read long things. i just got home from the hospital, and i’m in the worst mood. i can’t stand going from being happy to so sad in the matter of minutes. that is by far the lowest feeling any person can ever get. it’s horrible. i know i’m gonna go to bed and lay there for an hour doing nothing at all but think about every bad thing that can happen to me. my mind is fucking packed. i have to move in a few days. my siblings are coming to live with me, since my step dad is an asshole. my aunt is losing it. she has brain cancer and on thanksgiving when i went to see her, she didn’t remember me. she couldn’t even remember her own son. he’s almost 4. he didn’t understand anything that was going on. she asked me if i would adopt him a little over a month ago. like, why would i get all that weight put on me? i’m 19 years old, i have school, a job, and i’m going to already be taking care of my brothers and sister. she knows i’m a sucker, and i’d never let a fucking 4 year old go into a foster homes. being in foster homes was the worst years of my life. he’s my godson too. he’d never have a way of contact with me if i didn’t take him. that’s been driving me up a wall lately. this schizophrenia is getting so much worse. i can’t handle it. i really can’t. i wish i could have killed myself the other night. after i’m done crying like a fucking idiot tonight, i’m gonna sit there and stare at a gun. i already know it. i hate that i do this to myself. i can’t even control it. i want it to stop. i don’t know any other way to do it than that. if you actually read this, then i give you major props, but really, don’t try to talk to me about this or mention anything. it’ll only make it worse. i’m not asking for any help. i don’t want that. i don’t want or need your sympathy.
And there’s a million of us just like me
who cuss like me; who just don’t give a fuck like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me.
who cuss like me; who just don’t give a fuck like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me.
“
| — | Eminem (via loveisacabaret-) |
my sister watched taylor lautner snl too many times..
lindsey: hi.
me: hi
lindsey: sinterklaaaas get DOWNNN
